Monday, April 15, 2013
A few days/weeks ago, I was reading random articles on the internet with religion as the topic. As I was browsing through the stream of comments in particular article, I saw one that stated that he/she didn't believe in God, as he cannot be seen or felt, but believed in Love in place of it, because it can be seen and felt.
I was amused at the comment because only recently have I learned through many months/years of self-reflection (with a little help from people/events who inspire me) that
God is Love.
Love is the greatest feeling in the world. Not necessarily romantic love (for all of you romantics out there) obviously. It also includes love for your parents, love for your friends... love for
everyone, basically.
As a child, I was taught in school that the big guy in the sky loves everyone
unconditionally. No buts and no ifs. He just loves everyone.
Unconditionally. But over the recent years I became in conflict at the idea of how He could leave evil people to rot in Hell if He loved everyone unconditionally. So I eventually started reflecting and questioning the things that have been taught to me.
(I'll leave this topic for another post later)
A few months back, I tried to integrate a new moral code in my life: to love everyone unconditionally, to accept them for who they are, and to be non-judgmental. It was really hard at first. I couldn't help but think about why they should be deserving of acceptance. But I managed to do it somehow. I loved everyone simply because they
were. (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, but's that's the only way I can say it now)
You know what happened? I became more at peace with myself and with others. It has also opened my mind a lot more than when I still believed in my old belief system. As I came to love everyone just as they are, I became happier. A genuine kind of happy. I also felt content. I became
a lot more accepting as a person.
I became
free. Free from the constant need to judge other people (quietly) in my mind. Free from the thinking pattern of "why should I do x when y?" in terms of other people. Free from having to use my energy to feel a certain way about people. I didn't have to think. I just had to
love.
I, of course, sometimes fail to uphold this moral code at times. I am only human after all, and no one is perfect. But I do try. When you make mistakes, sometimes you just gotta move on from it and keep lovin' again.
Signing Off at...
1:17 AM
I recently found out that my beliefs are approximately 85% similar to a religion called Baha'i. COOL!
I think I'll go join once I move out/get kicked out of the house.
Or when my parents will decide to respect my decision to believe in something else different to their beliefs.
I wonder when that will be.
Signing Off at...
12:28 AM
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
[Arguments...Obligations?!
]
My parents were screaming at my sister and I and kept telling us to go to mass because it's 'pagpapasalamat'. I said no. They kept asking why. After all these months/years of keeping my personal beliefs private as so not to disappoint my parents and preserve the peace in the house, I finally cracked it.
The conversation went like this:
Dad: You're going to church every Sunday from now on.
Me: No.
Dad: Why not?
Me:I'm not going to listen to the priest anyway! What's the point?!
Dad: You should listen to the priest! Go to mass!
Me: No.
Dad: Why not?
Me: *hesitating* I don't want to.
Dad: WHY NOT?!
This is where I finally crack.
Me: Because I believe in something else, okay?!
Dad: What, so you're an atheist now? You don't believe in God anymore?
Me: Just because I don't go to
Catholic church doesn't mean I'm an atheist!
At that point, he leaves.
------
A few minutes later...
Mom: Go to church, it's 'pagpapasalamat!' (thanksgiving!)
Me:Nooo. >:|
Mom: You and your sister will go! Don't you have a sense of gratitude?
Me: NO. I believe in something else! I plan to go join another church when I'm an adult!
Mom: And when is that, 6 years from now?
[Mind you, I turn legal this year in a few months. I could be in charge of almost all my documents then. And what the actual f-, 6 years?! IT'S ONLY A FEW MONTHS AWAY.] Look, I don't care.
You have to go. Your sister keeps copying you. You have to be a good example!
Deep inside, I was thinking: A good example? A GOOD EXAMPLE OF WHAT? Of being all fake and plastic? To be something I'm not? To be a HYPOCRITE? Really, if I don't consider my beliefs Catholic, then why go to Catholic church? Does my mom want me to exemplify being hypocritical to my sister? At that point, I kept quiet because I was getting tired of arguing. They didn't respect my beliefs at all!
Also, so what if my sister's copying me? It's her choice! I mean, when my brother turned atheist and stopped going to church, that never stopped me from going, did it? I was the complete opposite of my brother! A religious zealot! It's a personal choice! If she wanted to go, then she would've! It's so damn annoying.
------
After that, it was implied that my sister and I were going to go. They went to buy groceries after that conversation. When they got home with the groceries, I was unpacking, when suddenly, my mom said:
You're in charge of putting the groceries away, okay? Your dad and I are going church.
It was around 10-15 minutes before mass started. It left me confused. Did they talk about it while they were away and considered my feelings? Did they give up? Or did they decide not to include us this time because it would take too long for us to get there since me and my sister still had to get ready(which would take 20-30 minutes)?
I'm dreading next Sunday.
I don't want to have anymore arguments.
Why can't you just respect my decision?
Also, my brother is 6 years older than me. If you're implying that you will only consider me as an adult 6 years from now, then why are you still forcing my brother to go when you fully well that he is an atheist? Are you lying?
If this keeps on going, I will take on Plan B: move out of the house A.S.A.P. after getting a job (after university, of course).
Signing Off at...
2:52 AM
Friday, April 5, 2013
[Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 18
]
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.
---
I'm tired of being told what to believe and what to do about it. Have I not told you already that I do not want to follow the religion anymore? Why are you still telling me to go to church? I remember you not saying no when I told you about it. You didn't oppose to it, so why?
I remember that time when you asked me about my opinion on my siblings' irreligious stance. I replied with my opinion, which is that everyone is free to believe what they want to, and you just told me "manahimik ka". Were you telling me to "keep quiet" or "shut up"? Keep quiet would've been less harsh, but in this case, either one of them were equally rude. I mean, here I am, expressing MY opinion on something that YOU ASKED FOR, and you tell me to shut up because it doesn't agree with yours? How immature and narrow-minded is that?
I understand that I was the most religious person in our family before. I was the one who kept telling you guys to go back to Catholicism when we were unknowingly converted into Pentecostalism because we were new back then. I HATED it when they did that. They took away a part of me WITHOUT TELLING ME. THEY DID NOT ASK FOR MY PERMISSION. They just did it without informing me. Is it because it did not matter to them because I was young? Anyway, it just shows how much of a religious zealot before.
That may have been the case before, but things change. People change, and so do their preferences, opinions and beliefs. Growing up in a country with a radically different environment in relation to our home country, it would be understandable, and perhaps unavoidable.
I ask you to respect my beliefs. I never disrespected yours, so why can't you do the same for me? Same goes for my brother. If he wants to be atheist, then be it. Don't force him to believe something he does not want to.
It's a basic human right.
---
As much as I'd like to directly confront you about this issue, I cannot do it right now for fear of being disowned, and getting disowned before getting a job or at least a getting a university degree isn't very practical, is it? Especially in my situation. It's so ridiculous, you know? I have to act like something I'm not in order to get approval from my parents and to keep the peace. The same goes for some of my friends. I'm so afraid of telling my other friends because I'm afraid they'll ignore me. I already feel alone because most of the people that were close to me are so distant right now (not only physically but socially, in a way). I don't want to lose my remaining friends.
Speaking of which, I'm friends with someone who is a JW. Her sister decided to leave the congregation and therefore, got kicked out of their house. If I tell my friends right now about my situation, my JW friend will look at me negatively. All of my friends are important. I don't want to lose even one of them.
...
Signing Off at...
2:09 AM